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Why 40 Feels Too Young

Why 40 Feels Too Young

When I was little, I remember seeing decorations for a 40th birthday party. “Over the hill,” the black balloon read. Back then, it felt like a lifetime away before I’d ever be that much of a grown up. Now here I am, feeling that’s hardly enough...
Waves of Grief

Waves of Grief

There’s a reason I’ve been quiet. Wave after wave of grief keep hitting, and I’m struggling to come up for air. The depressing state of affairs in my nation. The destruction from the Maui fires. The early death of an uncle I loved. The devastating...
The Heart of the Matter

The Heart of the Matter

It’s hard to know where to start. I’d planned to write an update about yesterday’s visit with the cardiologist, but what’s freshest in my mind is today’s incident. It’s the closest I’ve been to calling 911 in awhile. Not...
A Painful Inquisition

A Painful Inquisition

My appointment had to go well. I was finally seeing the long-awaited endocrinologist. The same one who refused to see me after a few minute’s delay last month. Now I knew: I had to be in my primary care’s office to have this virtual specialist appointment. Today would...
The Hidden Cost of the Chronically Ill

The Hidden Cost of the Chronically Ill

As I type, I’ve been on and off hold, transferred back and forth, with my insurance company for exactly two hours. This time, they’ve denied coverage for Ella’s upcoming appointment with a pediatric neurologist. We’ve been waiting to establish...
Does Being Scared Make Me Weak?

Does Being Scared Make Me Weak?

Six months after I was supposed to have a follow-up appointment with a cardiologist, it was finally my turn. It had been pushed back by the office four times with four different reasons. In the meantime, I had a TIA and a stroke. All my doctors have been anxiously...